


Chains

by FrostyGalaxies



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Taako is a Mess, angus lives with taakitz?, hes only mentioned briefly but I think I should tag him, i did a hurt on America’s favorite wizard, i have no self control it’s an issue, im sorry, krav is trying his best, me too tho, ok I’ll stop writing tags now cuz this is getting out of hand, uhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-23 09:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23009500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostyGalaxies/pseuds/FrostyGalaxies
Summary: Taako never showed how he was truly feeling if he could help it. He and Lup grew up that way and Taako... never grew out of it.
Relationships: Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 86





	Chains

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this back in December and posted it onto Amino but like- I didn’t have an AO3 account then bUT NOW I DO! :D! It’s exciting!
> 
> Anyway, this is the first completed fic I’ve written for this fandom so of course it had to be taakitz and of course I had to have it angsty because I’m legally not allowed to write things other than angst I guess.
> 
> Also I’m sorry if the formatting looks strange on the computer. I’m posting from my phone and I’ve also never used this site before so if I’ve made any grave errors please let me know!
> 
> Uhhh I guess I’ll se you at the end of the fic???
> 
> Yeah. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Taako never showed how he was truly feeling if he could help it. He and Lup grew up that way and Taako... never grew out of it. Maybe it was selfish, keeping his thoughts and emotions trapped in a rusted chest deep within himself, bound by millions of locked chains, never to be opened by anyone - not even himself. It might’ve been selfish, but the elf found he didn’t really care. He couldn’t care. He didn’t know how to anymore. He had put on so many different personalities for so many different people like they were masks, that sometimes he wondered if, deep within him, behind all those masks and trapped in that rusted chest was a version of himself that was truly and entirely just him. But that would be silly. 

It wasn’t until his date with Kravitz that he opened up - even just that little bit that he did. “Because I’m worried no one else will have me.” He didn’t even know why he told the reaper this, he barely knew the guy! But as he spoke, one of the chains around that rusty box snapped off and Taako felt... lighter. Like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It was nice. But it was also alien, and uncomfortable, and he didn’t know how to handle it. 

So he locked that chain tight again and added another as an extra precaution.

After that day he acted as if nothing was off, because it wasn’t, not really, he was maybe just a little more distant. He still laughed and cracked jokes with Magnus and Merle, continued his magic lessons with Angus, and went on thrilling - and often extremely dangerous - missions with his friends. He smiled and seemed his usual flamboyantly dramatic and happy self.

But to say he was happy would be false. Sure he laughed and joked, but that was just an act - another mask to hide behind. It was at nights when he let that mask fall. He’d stand in the kitchen while his friends slept, cooking or baking or doing something to occupy his hands during those long hours. Taako didn’t sleep, he was an elf so he didn’t need to, but still, most days on missions he would choose to sleep during the night, mostly because it avoided questions.

It’s about a year and a half after The Day of Story and Song, around two in the morning, and Taako stands in his kitchen, a metal mixing bowl in front of him filled with some sort of pastry batter, his hand stirring the mixture without thinking about it. And then he stops stirring, places the bowl down on the counter, and feels himself crumble to the floor. 

The rusty chest within him is less bound these days, it’s chains having been slowly chipped away at until only a fraction of what was there before remained. Taako was better at sharing his feelings now, better, but not perfect. He still kept most of them locked away, he knew this wasn’t a very good way to deal with them but it didn’t matter. The emotions and thoughts that were too big, to taxing to say out loud or to even write down stayed shut away right within him. Until they became too much and, like right now, forced their way out.

So there Taako sat, on his kitchen floor, his back against the counter, knees curled up into his chest and hands gripping at the hair at his scalp, body shaking with tearless sobs. His mind kept going back to the night of his last Sizzle It Up With Taako, he knew what happened wasn’t his fault, he and Kravitz had already had a fuckin heart to heart about it ages ago. Why was it still on his mind? But it wasn’t there for much longer. In a moment that memory was replaced by the Grim Reaper himself. Gods... Kravitz. Taako couldn’t fathom how he had managed to get lucky enough for Kravitz to be in his life. And he smiled a little into his knees at the thought of his boyfriend. And then that smile faded as his stupid mind offered him countless questions and statements he knew weren’t true because Kravitz loved him. Didn’t he?

It’s only temporary.

He’ll be gone in the morning. 

He’s using you for his own pleasure. 

You don’t deserve him. 

Why would the Grim Reaper ever love someone like you?

You’re just a burden to him. 

It’d be better for everyone if you just went ahead and offed yourself. You know it would be better.

“No,” he reasoned with that last statement out loud, not really meaning to, “he’d still have to deal with me even if I did die. He’s a literal agent of fucking death.” He took a shuddering breath and curled tighter into himself. Taako wasn’t sure how long he sat like that, it could’ve been only minutes but it felt like it had been hours or something more akin to years. That was the thing about time, it was hard to grasp a hold of if you weren’t paying extra attention to it. But paying attention to it only reminded Taako of how much time he had left... and how little the rest of his friends had. He needed to stop thinking. Just stop thinking already! He clung to his ears, hoping to all hell that’d block out his thoughts.

It didn’t.

———

Their bed was empty. That was the first thing Kravitz noticed when he stepped out of the rift he tore directly into his and Taako’s shared bedroom. It wasn’t like he never came home to an empty bed, but it was still uncommon enough for Kravitz to be immediately concerned. He wouldn’t think too much of it at first. No. He’d get ready for bed, check on Angus in his room down the hall, and if by then Taako wasn’t back, then he’d panic.

Taako wasn’t in bed after he stepped out of the bathroom, now dressed in an oversized Sizzle It Up With Taako tee-shirt and a pair of sweatpants instead of his three piece work suit. Kravitz frowned and started fiddling with one of his long dreads. But he wouldn’t let himself start panicking just yet. 

He peaked into Angus’ room to find him asleep under three separate comforters. Kravitz smiled and shut the door again, making his way back to his own room. 

Taako still wasn’t there. 

And the house was silent. Kravitz didn’t notice that at first. But it was really fucking quiet. Quiet wasn’t a thing in this house and Kravitz was really starting to worry now. 

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath, turning to briskly walk down the hall towards the first place he could think of: the kitchen. Taako would be in the kitchen and if he wasn’t, Kravitz would panic for real. Because he totally wasn’t already freaking out. Not at all. Nope. Not freaking out yet. 

When he entered the kitchen, the first thing he noticed was how dark it was. There wasn’t a single candle lit which in itself wasn’t a problem, everyone in the house could see in the dark just fine, but for some reason it made Kravitz’s stomach tie in knots. He looked around, maybe a little panicked, a saw, on the counter, a metal bowl. Ok. So Taako had definitely been in here. 

“Taako?” Kravitz tried. He wasn’t expecting to get a response, but he could have sworn he heard the slight rustling of fabric at his question. The Grim Reaper gingerly made his way further into the kitchen and- oh no. Oh, Taako. What he saw nearly shattered him into a million pieces. There, curled in on himself and huddled against the counter, was Taako. 

“Hey, darling?” Kravitz’s voice was a whisper as he reached a hand to the elf’s shoulder. Taako flinched hard but Kravitz didn’t remove his hand. “Taako, love, what are you doing here all alone?” Taako didn’t say anything, and that almost broke Kravitz. He knew his boyfriend to be generally very closed off, he knew him to be negligent and dismissive of his own feelings. But he also knew Taako to be someone who would feel really strong emotions fully, he’d feel sorrow and pain and anguish ten fold, and he’d do it on his own. He wouldn’t go to anyone. He wasn’t used to doing that. 

Kravitz didn’t say anything as he slid on the ground next to him, wrapping his arms around the elf and drawing him closer. Kravitz didn’t say anything as Taako curled into him, shuddering with silent sobs. Kravitz didn’t say anything as he rubbed comforting circles onto Taako’s back. Kravitz didn’t say anything. He didn’t say anything. 

Maybe it was because he didn’t know what to say, which was true, he’d always had a hard time comforting others, especially those he really cared about. Maybe it was because he feared that anything he had to say wouldn’t have an effect. Or maybe, just maybe, it was because he didn’t really need to say anything for Taako to know that he was there, that he wasn’t alone, that he didn’t have to feel what he was feeling alone. 

It was later now, Kravitz had picked Taako up off the ground with no complaint from the elf and carried him to their bed some ten minutes ago. The two layed under the blankets in relative silence, neither of them asleep. Taako’s breathing was back to normal now, and yet he still clung to Kravitz like a lifeline. Like he was the only thing keeping him grounded. Kravitz carded his fingers through the elf’s long hair, humming a song he played on the piano for his boyfriend quite often. A song he knew Taako loved listening to him play because Taako could appreciate music, he was pretty good at playing the piano himself. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kravitz asked quietly, breaking away from his humming for a moment to pose the question that’s been on his mind since he had found Taako in the kitchen. The elf shook his head into Kravitz’s chest and the reaper sighed, pulling back so he could look into the face of his partner. His heart nearly broke again at what was looking back at him. Taako looked so dejected and worn out, he looked so tired, his long ears were sagging flat against his head while his expression just read as... deflated. Kravitz brushed a stray hair out of his face with his thumb. “Taako, please,” Kravitz implored, “I’m worried about you.”

“It’s not something you did.” Taako finally conceded, looking up and finally meeting Kravitz’s eyes. “It’s just-“ but the words were hard to get out because now Taako was stepping into an area he had little experience in: emotions. Mostly he hated talking about his emotions because in order to do that it’s always messy and honest and so... vulnerable. No, vulnerability wasn’t something Taako was comfortable with, no thanks, Taako was good out here, far away from dealing with that. But he had already started talking and he could feel the chains around that rusty chest breaking as he spoke. It was too late to stop.

“It’s just- this stupid thing I have where my mind comes up with these statements that I know aren’t true. I know they’re not but for some reason I convince myself that they are anyway, even though I know for a fact that I’m not alone or that I am needed or that- or that you love me and want me around and that I’m worth... something! I know this because I have the evidence all around and in front of me! But I believe the lies I fabricate anyway like a the fucking idiot wizard I am! And- and it’s so frustrating! It’s just...” but what it was Taako never said, because the tears had started to fall again and he felt himself chocking on them. And then he felt himself drawn into a tight embrace from his stupid caring and wonderful boyfriend who didn’t care if Taako was leaving an entire ocean on his shirt and simply uttered words of comfort into his ear as he ran his fingers through the wizards hair and rubbed circles on his back. And Taako smiled into this embrace through his tears, grateful to not be questioned further and feeling lighter than he had in ages.

There were only a few chains left on that box. They were the strongest ones. And that was ok. It was ok that there were still chains there. Because, maybe he didn’t need to drop them all for his emotions to be understood. Maybe he’d be allowed to let them down in his own time, when he felt safe enough to do so. And maybe the real him, the him behind those locked chains and under those countless masks, was just... him. Maybe there wasn’t a ‘real him’ because he already was. There was never a fake Taako to begin with. And, as Kravitz held him tight, Taako felt content and understood and truly loved. He didn’t need to be an open book to have the love that he had, and that was ok.

That was ok.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh goodness that was something wasn’t it? Sorry bout that! If you enjoyed feel free to leave a comment! You don’t have to of course lmao, just thought I’d give you the option.
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoyed and have a lovely day!  
> -Frost


End file.
